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Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Welcome to the Borderline Mind

Following up on the "Ode to Schizophrenia" which I posted recently, here's another poem of mine: "Welcome to the Borderline Mind."


Welcome to the Borderline Mind

Bacil Donovan Warren

Just wait, you’ll see, this girl you love will turn her back on you.
You’ll prove her right to walk away just by being who
You really are deep in your mind: a broken worthless mess,
Shell of a man, and less of that with every added stress.

You remember what happened to you, oh so long ago
Two “friends” converged in a yellow wood, raped you of your soul.
This woman now before you who says that she loves you too,
It is a lie, as we both know: can’t possibly be true.

You can’t be loved, you are worthless now and forever more.
You’ll prove it soon enough, I know, like every time before.
Something you say, or do, or are will scare her right away,
Because you can’t be trusted: what you do, nor what you say.

I whisper this into your ear from deep inside your brain,
The anger and the hatred that you feel are not in vain.
You must become the angry man, the one who cannot trust
Ignore me not: into your heart a dagger she will thrust.

It is, therefore, a favor that we demons do for you,
To rid you of the lying wench before the harm she’ll do
Can come to its fruition; now you know only I care;
Only I wish to remind you that you are beyond prayer.

Betrayal is the world around you then, as it is now,
The only question yet to answer is exactly how:
Will you allow her in your shell, to see the truest one?
You know that person is a sham: about to come undone.

Or will you heed my sage advice, strike first before you see
How she will break your tender heart, away from you, she’ll flee.
Oh! Better yet! A two-for-one: I get to watch you flail
As you both trust her, and give her a huge reason to bail.

I love to watch you sabotage all of your romance,
The women who had wanted you all doing the same dance:
Moving fast and so far away, because you gave them cause,
You acted like I told you to! And that must give you pause.

You cannot rid yourself of me, the demon of self-hate.
If you did, who knows the kind of life you would activate?
You might be happy for a time, and maybe for it all;
A crazy thought, impossible! Away from me, you’ll crawl?

You cannot possibly believe that this will even help!
I am the one that saved your mind you sick, ungrateful whelp!
You drove them all away because they would betray your love,
I had to force your hand, you see; a blessing from above!

You do not deserve happiness, as proven years ago,
When as a child the two betrayed your tender young ego.
Yes, what they did was wrong and sick, perverted and insane;
You must have deserved it, though, for them a friendship to feign.

It couldn’t be their fault at all, you deserved every part.
The sodomy, the beating down, was justice for your smarts.
It must have been, why else would those two boys have been so cruel?
You must have been deserving of the fate, you stupid fool.

And so it goes, forever on, self-hatred and self-doubt;
There must be more to life than what these demons always shout.
The person that this man can be, his resolve he must steel.
If he does that, perhaps in time the damage will all heal.

And then a woman he can love will show up in his life,
And love him back, and he’ll deserve his awesome, loving wife.
Before that day, he must confess his deepest demon screams
To someone who can help him find the person in his dreams.

By facing the chaos that scared the others who all ran,
He can then show himself; a lovable and caring man.
Starting off by staring down the demons living in there,
His wounded heart and mind and soul can begin to repair.

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